The Wound That Never Heals

Another Monday. I’m going to try to nail down the seventh chapter of the book today. It’s the last major stumbling block to getting up a good head of steam. I made some changes in later chapters that necessarily forced some re-writes of chapter seven. I’m struggling with those a bit, because I like the flow of chapter seven, and don’t quite know how to begin to pull it together.
The first thing I wanted to do today, though, was get a few things out of the way. Ground and clear, and all that. Sometimes certain issues can sit in front of your creative energy like a rabid moose standing in the middle of the road.
Foremost, I’ve been chewing on the fact that my house in Kings Mountain, NC has finally been put up for sale. I’d say that this settles certain questions once and for all. This is a painful reminder of some terrible things and a terrible time, but I’m glad that it’s finally being moved upon. Resolution has been a long time coming. Having the house sit there empty for so many years has been like an open wound. I’ve tried to move on, but events and people keep coming along to rub in some salt. I kept telling myself that the best revenge is to live well from here on out, but there’s still this dark, simmering anger in my heart that makes me want to call for a special place in Hell for some people. I won’t, though. I’m not the first person in the world to get thrown under a bus because of another person’s selfishness. I’m sure I won’t be the last.
There’ll be no satisfying resolution here. All I can do is stare at the wreckage and reflect that I’m in a much better place now than I was then. However much it hurts that I lost that house, I take some small consolation in knowing that I did what I could. If there are karmic debts to be paid, they won’t be tendered to me. That’s small consolation, but it helps that I know a dark chapter in my life is finally being closed. After this, there’s only one last cord that I need to sever to be free of my former life, and that’s something I’m going to attend to soon.
Over, under or through. B’god!