It looks like Systematic Chaos is not going to play again tomorrow night. That’s basically the third week in a row that our practice gig is a wash-0ut. We didn’t play the week before last. Then last week our new guitar player didn’t show up, which sort of sank our plan to work on some new songs. And now we’re not playing this week, either. One has to wonder if this band is a plane with its wings coming off. No one seems invested.
Well, that’s an understatement. Our drummer has already joined another band and is auditioning for a third next Sunday. He’s already told me that we might as well start looking for another drummer (though he’s at least theoretically committed to the Cars For Pinks show in October). So, I figured maybe our guitar player, John, might want to get together tomorrow night in Ybor City to tinker around on some Blues and see where we might want to take the band from here. He agreed at first, then said he didn’t know the gig was canceled, then said he’d rather stay home. *sigh*
At the moment, I’m considering my own options. If the band completely disintegrates, where do I go from here? Honestly, I’m sick of playing cover tunes. It makes no sense to me to keep pretending to be a member of some ancient rock band. Aren’t we supposed to get all this pretend stuff out of our systems by the time we’re in our twenties? I mean, isn’t that really what we’re talking about here? Did anyone other than me actually start playing because they wanted to make their own original music? And if so, why can’t I seem to find those people?
I’m thinking of ways to get to make my own music. Really, that seems to mean doing it on my own, with no one else to fuck it up or insist on pointless changes. The only way to do that is to sally forth with my acoustic guitar and set to wailin’. I’m not sure of the viability of the idea, but it’s about the only thing I haven’t tried yet. Honestly, I’m tired of waiting for the Jimmy Page to my John Paul Jones to show up. And damn it all, I’m tired of playing dress-up. Can I go be an adult now?
One thing I’m going to start doing is taking my acoustic with me to festivals where Victoria will be selling her t-shirts, jewelry and candle rings. Hell, what better way is there to work up a solo acoustic show than to do it in front of festival traffic with live feedback? I can gauge which songs work and which ones don’t, and I might even make some tips besides. And who knows what contacts I might make?
I dunno. This just feels right. Who really gives a damn if Systematic Chaos goes quietly into that dark night? No one in the band ever genuinely gave a fuck about it anyway. It was good for me to play with these guys. My voice is stronger. My timing is back. My stamina is returning. So I got some worthwhile things out of the band, even if I was frustrated as shit at our persistent lack of progress. If it goes away, I have to believe that it served its purpose, be grateful for that, and accept that it’s just time to move on.
I dunno. The interesting days are ahead of me, I think. If I’m finally going my own way, how could it be anything but exciting? After all, it’s what I was put here to do. Time to stop yacking about it and just get on with it.