I changed my background image on my new computer today. It felt significant. A changing of the guard, in a way. It’s been the background on my old computer, Old Blue, for ages. Old Blue was supposed to be the computer upon which I built my empire. But that dream went sideways (like everything else) in such a dramatic fashion that Old Blue has grown long in the tooth, and is no longer capable of doing the things I’ll need to do moving forward. It’ll wind up in my office upstairs, and living out its days as a dedicated writing computer (yeah, I’m not done with Old Blue just yet).
The new computer has, rather haphazardly, been named Viserion, for the dragon the Night King killed and resurrected in Game of Thrones. And, well, because it’s white. I’m original like that. Honestly, after “Old Blue”, I thought I needed to go in another direction. None of the obvious names worked. “Ice”. “Ghost”. “Whitey”. “Cracker Ass”. If names have power, let’s see how a computer named after an un-dead ice dragon that just blasted a hole in The Wall holds up.
It feels like momentum is shifting. I’m within striking distance of my last days at my job. The plan is to leave around the end of the year, and focus 2018 solely on college, music, and writing, and getting as much work done by 2019 as possible. It’s a frightening, desperate plan, but I genuinely feel like it’s the only way to proceed. If everything works out like I hope, by 2019 I’ll be well on my way to breaking the cycle of working for other people. I won’t go into details of the plan, other than to say that I feel like it’s possible to make a living from my music, writing, and art. And thanks to student loans, I’ll have the means to focus solely on that for a little while.
Anyway, that will all start in January. Until then, I won’t have much free time. Lately it hasn’t felt like I have any time at all. I work five days a week, and I attend five college classes a week. I really only have Wednesday off, and that day is eaten up with studying and homework. It’s exhausting. On top of everything else, I had surgery two weeks ago to have a kidney stone removed. I still have a ureteral stent in me, which goes from my bladder up into my right kidney (which will be removed next Wednesday). Needless to say, recovery has sort of eaten into my capacity to leap into the fray.
I’m mostly writing now because I can feel the proverbial winds shifting. I wanted to acknowledge it. The momentum feels different. It’s mostly excitement, I think, feeling like my arduous march through a job I’m woefully unsuited for is coming to an end. But it doesn’t feel at all like an end is approaching. It feels like a beginning is. I’m nearing the starting line, replete with all of the implications and hope one might expect. 2018 is when shit will get serious. And even if I fail, it can no longer be said that I didn’t go for it. Hell, if one the contingency plans plays out, even if I fail it might still make for a compelling story (which I intend to document).
In the meantime, not much is going to change on this web site. I simply don’t have the time to overhaul everything. But I’ve changed the theme as a nod to that, and might tweak it a little as I go along. We’ll shortly have a very different web site, geared toward a very different purpose. Most of my random writings and jabberings will be removed. In its place will be a focus on the new projects, and the next few years’ rampages. To paraphrase King Théoden, if this is to be my end, I would make such an end.
We’ll see. I’ve planned and schemed many other times in my life, and wound up with nothing happening. But I keep thinking about something my cousin, Mark, used to say. He’d say, “If I had ten thousand dollars, I could make a million.” It has occurred to me that I now have $10,000. More than that, actually. I fully intend to see if I can make $1,000,000 out of it. It’s almost time to give battle.