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Lizards vs Cats

I did my good deed for the day. Living in Florida, we sort of share our space with the lizards and salamanders who sometimes make their way into the house. Well, one fine little fellow was discovered hanging out on the ceiling in the living room this morning, apparently feeling quite safe from the five cats who were watching him with avid interest.
Well, I tried to get the lizard into a clear plastic container so I could put him outside. There’s no use trying to catch one by hand (even though I remember being pretty good at it when I was a kid). But the lizard was having none of it. He got by me and somehow wound up on the floor, and after that it was like a pack of sharks on a wounded tuna fish. Cats swarmed in from all directions.
Luckily, the cat who caught the lizard was Boo, who has a permanent buzz and appears to be stoned most of the time. About all Boo got out of the arrangement was a tail, which left Boo scratching his head. By that time I’d arrived on the scene and got the plastic container over the lizard, but after that, we had a stalemate. I couldn’t get a lid under the container because every time I tried to slide it under the lip of the container the lizard tried to make a break for it. Naturally, this delighted the cats.
What I decided to do was scoot the container toward the front door, scooting the lizard along the floor beneath it. It was hard to do this while laughing, because I had five cats circling the container at the same time, waiting for me or the lizard to make a mistake. They were disappointed, though. I finally managed to get the lid sort of under the container. I couldn’t really get the damned lizard to hop up on the lid, but I accidentally pinned him against the side of the container, which was enough to let me pick him up and get him out the front door.
I put the little guy out in the yard. He immediately burrowed down into the grass. I had to pull up some blades of grass to get a good look at him to see if he was alright. Except for the missing tail, he seemed intact. He was breathing hard and looking at me with wide eyes, like he was saying “What the hell was that, man?” But he seemed alert. I figured I’d done all that I could do, and went back inside to face the cats.
Needless to say, the cats were not happy. By the time I came back in, they’d already started dispersing, but a few were making do by examining the tail the lizard left behind. I picked up the tail amid dirty looks from the cats, and gave it a proper burial at sea via the Armstrong Aqueduct (the toilet). I’m sure at some point later in the day I’ll be walking through the house and one of the cats will dash between my legs in an effort to make me fall to my death. But at the moment I feel confident that I did the right thing. Even if I’ve haven’t made any popularity points with the kitty gods.
Score one for the lizard. But I guess the cats should get half a point for the tail.

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