Labor Day & Downtime

I’m sitting in Mama’s apartment. She’s gone to Wal-Mart with her cousin, and I’m left here in this strange reality where I have nowhere else to go but someone else’s apartment. But, I plugged in the cable modem and the wireless router. Let there be Internet! Yes, Lawd.
Leave it to me to go back to work right before Labor Day, and find myself sitting on the side of the road with nothing to do. I asked my company if I might as well go home, and they gave me a load that delivers tomorrow. So here I am. I’m sitting in Mama’s space, feeling dispossessed and wishing I could be somewhere else. Even back in the truck.
I decided to do some updates today. I haven’t had Internet access since last Wednesday when I went back to work (can’t afford to renew my wi-fi account for the road just yet). I’ve written some blog stuff in a notebook, but I doubt any of it will ever be posted. Not because it’s bad or anything. It’s just pointless meandering. Well, okay. Maybe one will be posted. I dunno. I wrote on Neima a bit.
There’s no point to this. I’m just checking in. MySpace is proving as reliable as ever. I had notifications about messages from four people, and found only one in my inbox. I had two notices about friend requests, but there was nothing there. Didn’t somebody with deep pockets buy MySpace or something? And if so, could they replace the duct tape and bailing wire with something that works like it’s supposed to?
I removed The Wife from my top 8 friends list again. I’d added her back because I didn’t feel quite right that I was in her top 8 and I’d removed her from mine. But she changed her bio pic to one of her and her boyfriend. Sorry. I’m not having that image displayed on my page. It’s bad enough she has such an image on Yahoo Messenger so that I have to look at it any time I want to talk to her. I’m not helping to distribute this bullshit.
Thanks to those who have written me making comments about this. I appreciate your support. Yes, I think it’s fucked up, too. Heartless, insensitive, demeaning … etc. But we’re talking about someone who left her husband to fly to Las Vegas to be with a new boyfriend, and yet didn’t think of that as adultery, and was, in fact, surprised that she couldn’t still be friends with said husband. Is anyone really surprised that she’d think nothing of putting up pictures of her and her boyfriend in every public place she can find?
Gods, I have to file those separation papers.
Well, I’m not getting off on that rant. No more than I already have, anyway.
I’ve been contacted again by the lady who wants to pitch the reality show. I updated my contact information, and have largely moved this subject into the “unknowns” pile. We’ll see what happens. I don’t expect much. Of all the plans I hope to play out in the coming months, a reality television show doesn’t figure in too prominently. We’ll burn that bridge once we’ve crossed it. If it happens, it happens. If it doesn’t, well, I already have plans, anyway.
I’m just trying to make it to the next payday. Right now my checking account is $23 in the red. Which isn’t too bad, actually. I don’t expect a big paycheck this Friday, but I hope it’s enough to get some things done. I need to get a mailing address with a UPS Store. I need to decide whether I’m going to try to keep my old 1978 Thunderbird (which still sits in the driveway at the old house), and if so I’ll need to find her a berth (which means getting someone to tow her to another location). I need to pay my cellphone. Christ. I’m going to be broke on Saturday. But the next paycheck will be better, dammit.
I wrote a lot of things about what I felt leaving the house for good last week. I’ll probably never post any of it. Maybe I’ll post some of it. I dunno. But sitting here today, all I know is that everything is irrevocably different. There’s no going back. I’m at least smart enough to realize that this is going to be a long re-building process, and that I have a lot off issues to grapple with over the next few weeks and months. But I’m trying to be positive. A lot of the things I’ve written recently just don’t figure in, because I’m trying to move on. Even from the things I thought just a few days ago.
I guess in a way I’ve enjoyed being cut-off from MySpace. I haven’t been able to obsess about my own existence and my problems. Since I went back to work, all I’ve done, really, is drive and sleep. When I took out my laptop today to see if Mama’s wireless network was up, it was the first time it had been out of the backpack. I haven’t listened to my iPod at all. Or the radio. Or the CB radio. I’ve just been thinking. And for the first time in a very long time, I’ve managed to shut up long enough to listen.
I’m going to go. I have no idea what this blog was about. I suspect that it should never be posted. But this is who I am at the moment. It probably says a lot that I’ve bored myself.

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16 years ago

Happy Birthday.
Best to you,

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