I’ve been thinking about change a lot this morning. I’ve been in a funk ever since Christmas. Dragging my feet, with no real sense of purpose or intent. Oh, the same old plans are on the drawing board (recording, writing, etc), but I sort of lost my way. Before Christmas I felt like I was making some headway, and the job felt like a means to an end. I felt a lot more positive about things. Since then I’ve been adrift, and the job has just been something that I do because I have to. So on those times when I could have pushed, I slacked off. Monday is a good example. The load I took “home” over the weekend could have delivered any time on Monday. I could have delivered it at 00:01 on Monday, picked up another load, and gotten another load in on the week. So what did I do? I delivered it at 21:30 and then took a nap. I literally logged 79 miles on my Monday log. Then I topped myself by over-sleeping on Tuesday and not getting a single trip’s paperwork turned in for the week (gauranteeing that I won’t get a paycheck on Friday).
Well, I think I flipped the switch this morning. Dunno why. Maybe I’m just getting tired of myself. When I got up this morning I caught up my driver’s log (hadn’t done my log since Tuesday of last week). Then I put some chicken and a can of okra and tomatoes into my stove thingie (which I hadn’t done in awhile, and which signifies getting back on my diet). I then straightened up the truck a bit and, in doing so, realized that all my notebooks are gone. How long have they been gone? Why haven’t I noticed?
I need to re-focus here. I’m making some positive changes, I think. A new hard drive and a new copy of Windows XP are waiting in Mama’s apartment, so I’m about to repair my long suffering laptop. I bought a case for my 12-string bass, so I’m about to start getting those loose instruments out of Mama’s apartment and into storage. And I’ve ordered a dedicated web server so that I’ll finally be able to get my website back up in its entirety, as well as my half dozen other web sites. So there are some things to feel positive about.
So … can I start feeling positive again?
I think starting to get some things in order is a step in that direction. But I got up and drove about 120 miles. I stopped on an exit to check on my food. I find myself wanting to crawl back into bed and pull the covers over my head. I’m tired of feeling like that. It’s not the physical weariness that gets me. What do you do when you have such a long way to go and the spirit is worn thin and threadbare?
I guess you just keep going. Obviously the minor advances I’ve mentioned can only help so much in that regard. Hopefully I can keep moving long enough for there to be a cumulative effect.
I suppose in the end that’s the real problem here. I’m making progress, but I’m still anxious to be on the other side of all these hopes and plans.

0 0 votes
Article Rating
Notify of
Inline Feedbacks
View all comments
Would love your thoughts, please comment.x
Close Bitnami banner