I was finally talked into watching Twilight last night. I’ve been reluctant, because I’ve seen enough of it to know that it’s all dreck, but I do believe in giving everything its fair shake. It wasn’t right for me to hate this “phenomenon” without actually watching the movie. And besides, I’m writing a book based upon vampires myself. It’d be hypocritical of me to dismiss Twilight without a proper examination.

Okay. I watched it. Or, more specifically, as I wrote on Facebook;

I can say with some authority that “Twilight” sucks the big one. I understand why people like it, because it’s basically a re-telling of the old Prince and the Princess story, but it’s a romance novel with the most benign vampires I have ever seen, with all the dark and scary bits removed. The dialog was horrible. The premise was absurd. And the plot was non-existent. Just further proof that you can polish a turd and, with the right marketing, make millions from people who are hungry for mainstream banality. Bleh. :-)

I stand by that assessment. *yawn*

By the way, if you’re interested in a vampire who’s a little more complex, you’re always welcomed to introduce yourself to Visili Kruvoi.

I just read an article about a bit of political grand-standing that has raised my ire a bit.  President Obama’s transportation secretary on Tuesday banned truckers and commercial bus drivers from sending and receiving text messages. My first thought was “you think the truckers are the fucking problem?” Holy crap. Get a grip, dude.

But, of course, this has nothing to do with reality. This feeds into the general ill-will that the public feels toward truck drivers. We all know that truckers are rolling death on the highway. Yeah, it couldn’t possibly be little Cindy Lou in her VW Beetle, bopping down through morning traffic at 80 miles an hour, while singing her favorite song and putting on make-up, that causes all those accidents. It couldn’t possibly be Chad, the yuppie commuter, who’s zipping into work with an open briefcase in the passenger seat and paperwork scattered all over his steering wheel and laying in his lap. It couldn’t possibly be Betty the soccer mom who’s careening down the road with an open book lying on her steering wheel, could it?

There’s a saying among truck drivers that pretty much sums this up. If you’re driving a truck that gets into an accident, about the only time they won’t find you at fault is if someone rear-ends you at a high rate of speed. And even then it won’t be for lack of trying. Truckers are generally regarded as uneducated rednecks until they hit somebody, and then they’re suddenly upgraded to highly trained professionals. So naturally, if there’s a problem on the nation’s highways, it has to be those damned truck drivers, doesn’t it?

Well, as someone who spent eight years out there on the road, I’d generally like to tell the rest of you to kiss my entire ass. Here’s an interesting fact for you. In a report released by AAA a few years back (which, oddly enough, I can’t seem to find now), it was found that in over 78% of accidents involving big trucks and automobiles which resulted in fatalities, it was the fault of the driver of the car, not the truck driver. AAA quietly released that report, and did nothing in the way of advertising it. After all, it reflected badly on their clientèle, the drivers of automobiles, not on truck drivers.

Truck drivers are used to this kind of bullshit. Rather than do something that would take some balls, and ban all cellphone use and texting in all vehicles, the transportation secretary has pulled a sleight-of-hand. By targeting only truck drivers, who the uninformed believe are the problem anyway, the government gets to score some easy political points while essentially doing nothing to address the real problem. Believe me, if you could teach Cindy Lou, Chad and Betty that they’re at least partially responsible for their own fates, not to mention the safety of the people around them, we’d all be much safer on the highways.

I’m not saying there aren’t asshole truck drivers out there. You’ve all had encounters with some asshole trucker who’s ridden your ass on the highway or did something else unsafe. What I contend is that in your prejudiced world view of truck drivers, you didn’t once notice the thousands of safe, courteous truck drivers that you pass every day out there on the highways without as much as a thought (except you have to get around them). When you think of truck drivers you think of that one asshole wouldn’t let you out onto the highway when you came careening down that on-ramp, not the dozens of others during your week that got over for you. I’m sorry, but from the perspective of someone who drove one of those big trucks for eight years, I have little sympathy for you. I learned from hard experience that while truck drivers make an easy target, automobile drivers are their own worst enemy. Truck drivers save thousand of lives every day by avoiding accidents that car drivers are never even aware of. I’d like you to think of that the next time you’re screaming down the highway drafting a truck while you search in your glove box for your cellphone charger. And while you’re at it, once that annoyed truck driver slows down and forces you to pass him so you don’t get the both of you in trouble, why don’t you pass him and flip him off to show your appreciation? I’m sure he already expects it.

There’s been a shift in the dynamic of the new band, and I think it’ll be a positive thing. It makes me feel a lot better about the band, and my participation in it. I know that for sure. Long story short, we asked one of the guys to leave the band. I triggered it, though I didn’t mean to. I just couldn’t imagine playing in a band with this guy. He was belligerent from Day One, dismissive of everyone else’s opinions, and generally rude and abusive. It weighed heavily on me all day on Sunday. I kept thinking about all the times I’ve been miserable in bands and how it’s always been because of one asshole or another. This guy was definitely one of the most highly concentrated stockpiles of refined assholishness I’ve ever come across. I’ve never met anyone quite like him.

Anyway, it weighed on my mind Sunday to a point where I was having a panic attack. I couldn’t imagine playing in a band with another asshole. Life is too short and I just don’t need the aggravation. I wasn’t about to suggest that we get rid of the guy, though, so I decided to opt out. I wrote the other two guys in the band and told them that i had been a pleasure, but I just couldn’t see myself playing in a band with that asshole. Much to my surprise, the guys called me and decided to get rid of the asshole instead. They had the same reservations and discomfort about him that I did. So we were all sort of thinking the same thing.

Well, the asshole is gone and I’m still in the band. With this one guy gone, I now find myself very excited about the band again. I really like Doug, the drummer, and J.C., the guitar player. We all seem to have a lot in common, and we’re all on the same page as to what we want out of the band.

It’s been a long time since I’ve been in a band with friends, and I really feel like I can be friends, and not just band-mates, with Doug and J.C. That camaraderie is something I’ve missed, and it’s something I already feel in this band. I mean, they might turn on me and rip me to proverbial shreds at some point, but I doubt it. We all have too much potential together. Now that the asshole is gone, I look forward to seeing where this might go. And I genuinely feel that it could really be something good.

I’m running my computer in Safe Mode this morning. It’s the only way I can get it to work. My graphics card is dying. Seems like just another thing. We’ve taken so many hits of late that when something else happens I just shrug and keep on going. I guess that’s what life is all about. No matter what happens, you just have to keep on going. What’s the alternative, really?

However it sounds, I’m not at all down in the dumps or anything. I’m just annoyed. I was hoping to work on a new song this week, but that has been set aside. In Safe Mode I can’t run the drivers for my audio interface, so Cubase doesn’t work. It’s also put a damper on writing, since there are columns of yellow and blue dots all over the screen. I don’t even want to imagine what staring at that for long would do to my eyes.

Anyway, there’s not much else to do but regroup and redeploy. Luckily we’ll soon be able to afford a replacement graphics card, but it’s an expense I would rather have avoided. You do what you have to do, I guess. I’ve broken my moratorium on placing t-shirt ads directly on the Malleus Maleficarum web site and put a few up.  Hopefully that’ll translate to some traffic in my eBay store (and some money in our pockets). Honestly, with an average of about 1,000 visits per day, it’s foolish of me not to advertise my eBay store more aggressively on the Malleus web site. Especially when we’re in the deep end of the pool and facing the proverbial sink or swim. Besides, who wears more t-shirts than college kids (the main traffic there)?

Over, under or through, I say. I’ve learned through the years that for good things to happen, bad things have to be endured. And I imagine that, if the difficulties we’ve stumbled across are any indication, the novel I’m writing is going to pay off in a big way. Or at least it should, if the dues we’re paying is any clue.

Another Monday. I’m going to try to nail down the seventh chapter of the book today. It’s the last major stumbling block to getting up a good head of steam. I made some changes in later chapters that necessarily forced some re-writes of chapter seven. I’m struggling with those a bit, because I like the flow of chapter seven, and don’t quite know how to begin to pull it together.

The first thing I wanted to do today, though, was get a few things out of the way. Ground and clear, and all that. Sometimes certain issues can sit in front of your creative energy like a rabid moose standing in the middle of the road.

Foremost, I’ve been chewing on the fact that my house in Kings Mountain, NC has finally been put up for sale. I’d say that this settles certain questions once and for all. This is a painful reminder of some terrible things and a terrible time, but I’m glad that it’s finally being moved upon. Resolution has been a long time coming. Having the house sit there empty for so many years has been like an open wound. I’ve tried to move on, but events and people keep coming along to rub in some salt. I kept telling myself that the best revenge is to live well from here on out, but there’s still this dark, simmering anger in my heart that makes me want to call for a special place in Hell for some people. I won’t, though. I’m not the first person in the world to get thrown under a bus because of another person’s selfishness. I’m sure I won’t be the last.

There’ll be no satisfying resolution here. All I can do is stare at the wreckage and reflect that I’m in a much better place now than I was then. However much it hurts that I lost that house, I take some small consolation in knowing that I did what I could. If there are karmic debts to be paid, they won’t be tendered to me. That’s small consolation, but it helps that I know a dark chapter in my life is finally being closed. After this, there’s only one last cord that I need to sever to be free of my former life, and that’s something I’m going to attend to soon.

Over, under or through. B’god!

I posted a new song today. It’s called If You Listen (and you can listen to it here). I’ve worked on it for a couple of weeks now, and found myself feeling a deep sense of pride and accomplishment as I neared the finish line last night. I’m still very proud of what I’ve done. The song is the opening salvo on an album of music that’s going to be based upon the novel I’m writing, Blood & Chartreuse. So far Victoria likes it, and my mother bragged on it a bit.

But for the most part everyone else has been mum on the subject.

I don’t know what I expected, really. Victoria lets me claim her friends as my own, but those people could care less about me. I’m Victoria’s boyfriend, and that’s all I’ll ever be in those circles. That’s fine. I understand that, and don’t have a problem with it. But it’s hard not to be disappointed when you work on something for weeks and no one, apparently, bothers to check it out.

I suppose more than anything I’ve been disappointed by those people who I have thought of as my friends through the years. Not the surface relationships from MySpace and Facebook, but the real world friends whom I have history with. It’s bothered me a bit that none of them has responded. It’s not that I expected lavish praise or anything, but when you’ve worked as hard as I have on something like this and you put it up online so people can finally hear it, it’s numbing to get… nothing. No reaction whatsoever.

I could examine this. I know the song isn’t a catchy diddy. It’s not something that you’re going to be walking around singing. And the lyrics are rather brutal. There’s also a lot of intentional noise and conflict in the song. It’s not something you’d listen to on the way to church. So maybe no one knows quite what to make of it. Maybe they’re being quiet because they don’t know what to say about it. I’d rather believe that than consider the possibility that I’ve fallen so far into the abyss that no one besides Victoria and my mother give a damn about anything that I do.

However it sounds, I’m not down or depressed. I’m just a little… disappointed. Even if someone didn’t like If You Listen, it would be nice of them to say so. Somehow the silence strikes me as if I’ve done some unspeakable thing, and it makes me feel vaguely ashamed.

There’s no real reason for this post, other than the fact that I just wanted to write something on the first day of the new year. I know everyone goes into each new year with a certain amount of optimism, but I really do feel like 2010 is going to be a good year. A lot of things are already in motion for me, and if only a few of them pan out, it’s going to be great.

We face a lot of challenges this year, but I’m emboldened by that, not intimidated in any way. I’ve always been one who rises to the occasion in the face of adversity, and I’ll meet these problems head-on. Hopefully we’ll emerge somewhere on the other side, stronger and more determined than ever to live a good life.

If you’re reading this, I think you for stopping by. I hope 2010 is a wonderful year for you and your family, and that you can weather your hardships with grace and style. I hope you’ll also remember at those moments between the difficulties that what we possess is a right fine life, that even in its worst travails is a wondrous and magickal experience. But mostly, I hope that you remain safe, happy and relatively disease free. May 2010 be a boring one for you. The exciting years make for great stories, but it’s in the boring years that we find the most contentment.

For us here, now is the time to put away the Christmas decorations. The tree is coming down today. All the ornaments and relics of past holidays are being put away. We’ll put aside the old so that we may concentrate on the new. In my mind, that’s a fine way to welcome in 2010.

Okay, so I’m testing out the old blog. You have to admit that it’s been gone for a long, long time. Just when you thought it was safe to go back in the water, huh? Well, I’m back. Sort of. I’m here, anyway. I never really went anywhere, but you didn’t know that because you didn’t know where to find me.

I assume there’s someone out there who cares. At one point my blog got about 450 unique visits a day (meaning they weren’t all by the same person). That dropped off to around 200 a day eventually, and kind of hovered there as I worked through some of my issues. A grumpy bass player living in Saint Petersburg, Florida, does not make for exciting prose.

Anyway, there’s no particular reason for this post. I have nothing important that I’ve been dying to say. I’m posting because I can. This is a kind of therapy for me, and I’m indulging myself. But the one thing I learned during my virtual exile in the wilderness was that I didn’t miss this blog at all. I didn’t miss jotting down every random thought. Moreover, I didn’t mind that no one seemed to notice that I was gone. It put things in perspective for me. And while I’m still addicted enough to this endeavor to put the blog back online as soon as I had the chance, the thrill is definitely gone.

We’ll see.

Wow. Who would’ve ever thought it possible that Kiss would put out a song that I liked again? This song kicks ass. Yes, I know that’s not Ace Frehley or Peter Criss, even though those guys are wearing the make-up. Doesn’t matter. I like this song. Wish I’d seen this live – from what I hear Gene Simmons licked David Letterman at the end of it. Would’ve been hilarious to see that.



I’ve been thinking a lot about music lately. Why is that even while playing in two different bands, I still feel like I’m not getting anything out of my efforts? Musically, I feel kind of like someone who’s lived on energy bars and Gatorade for years. I desperately want a meal that I can sink my teeth into. But I’m not getting it out of either of the bands I play with. This isn’t a reflection upon them. We just have different priorities. Personally, I don’t think I was put on this Earth to regurgitate other people’s music. Sure, I realize that you have to play covers if you want to get into local clubs, but it’s bizarre to me that some folks are fine with never getting any more out of it than that.

Mostly, the only reason I’m writing is that I’ve decided to go my own way. This doesn’t mean that I’m quitting either band. It just means that I’ll be returning to my regularly scheduled program. I’ve always made my music alone, because I never found a true collaborator. Maybe it was foolish to expect that one, or even both, of the bands I’m in would be partners in crime in a potentially great rock band. We’re all older (I’m the youngin’ in both bands, at 44), so the priorities are necessarily different from some band of 20 year olds. But still… geez. Did any of us really get into music expecting to play “Born To Be Wild” for the next 25 years?

I’ve been fishing about for a project. Work on the Crewe related album never really stops, but I feel like I need to do something else first to get my toes wet. It finally occurred to me what that might be.

It’s called “Backup Memory #5″.

In 1994 I took my equipment down to a girlfriend’s house to record some tracks. Until I moved to Saint Petersburg in 2007, that was the last time I recorded anything. As was custom back then, whenever I would finish a song, I would mix it down onto a cassette tape. Those master tapes were labeled with “Backup Memory” because they initially began simple as tapes I’d record ideas upon. The last one was Backup Memory #5. It had some pretty good songs on it.

What I’m thinking of doing is re-recording those old songs on Backup Memory #5, but incorporating some of the original tracks. That makes sense to me, since doing so would provide a bridge between the past and the present. Needless to say, I couldn’t use all of the original performances. But it’d be fine just to preserve a few of the guitar parts. It’d be nice just to use those old tracks as a starting point, and see what I could make them into; all with the full intention of winding up with album quality recordings that I can begin selling on iTunes and Amazon.com. Of course, I’d probably drop a few songs. But for the most part, I’d use the original track listing. I might drop songs, but I wouldn’t add anything.

I suppose the point here is that I’ve decided that I can’t wait on these other musicians any longer. All they seem to want out of music is the satisfaction of playing on a stage once in a while. That’s not enough for me. The stage, if it exists solely as a place to play cover tunes, is mostly a distraction. If I’m ever going to get anything rolling where my original music is concerned, I’m going to have to start concentrating on it. I can still do this other stuff with the two bands, but neither can be my foremost priority anymore.

It’s also occurred to me that it might be interested to work backward from Backup Memory #5, working back to Backup Memory #1. That would be just confusing enough to people to appeal to me.