“This fucking guy,” the voice said. “He’s done nothing for sixty years but fuck around.”
“And not in the fun way,” another added.
I stared at the metaphors. They were right. What have I done? Who am I? No one cares. Least of all me.
For the record, I was born in a relatively small town, Kings Mountain, North Carolina, 65% into the 1900s. At first I thought I would be an artist. Then I thought I would be a writer. Then I thought I’d be a musician. I was all of the above, at different times, to different degrees. Except for the occasional gig with bands, I never made a living at any of them. From the beginning to now not a lot has happened. Various jobs. I’m on my second marriage. We have two cats. I have two step-daughters who think of me as their mother’s second husband. I work for a large county sheriff’s office. I have two associate degrees (audio engineering and computer programming), neither of which have done much more for me (other than leave me deep in debt).
I decided to kill myself in 2019. Then I decided to stay. In the years since I’ve tried to figure it out. All of it. In 2024, after burning through a half dozen or so therapists, I was finally diagnosed with bipolar disorder and ADHD. Bipolar 2, specifically. True to form, I’m figuring some stuff out now that I’m close to 60 and the race is almost run. I’ve just started new treatment for bipolar 2 and ADHD after years of being on the wrong medication and being treated for the wrong thing, and even that was after 55 years or so of no treatment at all. It’s been a wild ride.
I don’t know where we go from here. But I made a choice to remain in 2019, to figure it out. One way I talked myself out of the grave was by committing to the creation of some great work of art that can speak for me once I’m gone. I’m working on that. This web site, and the works I’ll mention and post here, are part of that process. Make of that what you will.
The voices stir. “You’re a crazy fucker,” one helpfully adds.
I smile. Shrug. Take a deep breath. I go back to staring into the abyss. “Maybe I’m crazy,” I tell The Universe. “But so are you.”
I mean... aren't we all?
BILLY RAY MONTGOMERY
(Song Released - 01.01.2024)
CATCHING GEARS
Dulce
THE PRICE OF RAIN
Billie
NICE TRICK
Jesus HMF
TEN FEET TALL
No One of Note
GRACE (ALL WE ARE)
A Kind of Truth
WHAT'S IT ABOUT?
With My Coffee...
OTHER SHOE
The Transient
THE GIRL WHO NEVER WAS
Marissa
THIS OLD DAWG
Chester
DIABOLIQUE
Mischa's Seeds
ASRIA'S REVENGE
Dreams of Arumaea
I'm not entirely sure I should write about this here. Or if I should write about it at all. But I will, becuase it's silly that I feel like hiding it. It's going to have an impact on the work going forward, so let's not dance around it.
BLOG BOOKS SHORT STORIES POETRY